is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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