You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
