i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
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