I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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