the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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