I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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