I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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