I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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