I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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