You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
These 21 People Came Up With Hilarious Excuses For Their Hickies
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯