i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
23 Insane Reasons People Got Fired
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
These 31 Gross People Really Put The ‘Trash’ In ‘Trashed’
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.