Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
These 25 People Believed Fake Facts For Way Too Long
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.