You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
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as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
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He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.