I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
We need to rekindle our bromance
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Is Oprah even human
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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