i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize