on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
