ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
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She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
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I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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