why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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