So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
