i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
should my penis look like a turkey
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize