Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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