i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
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