I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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