did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I enjoy the company of your penis
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