Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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