Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
