On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
