omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
