WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
