You just made me feel so damn special
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
