I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
