I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Randomize
