come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
