Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Two words: blizzard sex
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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