We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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