Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
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I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
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Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
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