got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
