ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
