some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
he told me I talked like a deaf person
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
