I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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