see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
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