I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
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