remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
