I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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