Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
if only i could text you this smell
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
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