I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
