laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
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You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
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