I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Randomize
