When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Randomize
