It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
