when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
