You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
