am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
