Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
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