haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
