I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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