so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Drunk is not a location!
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.