im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!