you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
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Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
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ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."