The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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