Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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