i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
