its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
