It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
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You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
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She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
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