Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
You ruined the universe
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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