meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
