barbara walters just said penis...
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
