I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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