okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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