I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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