He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Come see our sink grown plant.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
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