All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
