Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
