dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Such a big mess for such a small penis
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
