Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize