I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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