Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
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