woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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