idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
