You're completely useless in the revolution.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
